Stop flailing about and sit down - why would you miss the end of the film?
PUBLISHED: 10:05 27 November 2017 | UPDATED: 10:18 27 November 2017
I spent years shussing my girls' more awkward questions, but now I need them to speak up.
I have had my fair share of small children with particularly piercing voices asking inappropriate questions.
The ages from three to five probably gave the Silver clan the highest number of slightly excruciating moments.
By then we were pretty much past the toddler-lie-on-the-floor in the supermarket shrieking or refusing to move stage for both girls by then. I didn’t find those embarrassing – they were just having a moment and didn’t involve anyone else.
But the running commentary had me clamping a hand over a bewildered Keola’s mouth on more than one occasion, particularly as her favourite questions seemed to be ‘What are those wobbly bits Mummy’ or ‘Why hasn’t that man got any hair?’
She, and Thalia, had a very vocal stream of consciousness ranging from ‘Why does that lady smell funny?’ and ‘Why won’t that lady talk to me?’ to ‘Why did that man drop that rubbish?’ via everything else possible.
‘Why did you let Thalia eat those grapes? (while still shopping)?’ ‘Why has she got pink hair’ (usually followed by a ‘I don’t like pink’)? ‘Why is that lady so sweaty?’ ‘Where are they going?’, ‘Why is that thing in that man’s mouth?’, ‘Why did that car hoot at us?’ and ‘Why do you keep saying hurry up?’ are the more repeatable questions they’d ask, loudly, in public.
Sometimes they’d both pipe up and I’d tell them it was rude to comment on other people and try to change the subject.
But watching Paddington 2 with them had me missing those noisy days of them both questioning absolutely everything.
We were on the aisle end of the row and the credits came up as the film was ending. There were very definitely a lot of loose ends still to tie up but the rest of our row clearly didn’t seem to think so as they all got up, and unapologetically left, slowly. They wandered past our knees, dropping coats, phones and stray popcorn, flailing about and standing on my feet.
The girls and I tried to look around them to see what did happen to Paddington, to the prisoners, the Browns, the train, and the zebra.
What zebra? Well, there might have been a zebra, we don’t know as we couldn’t see past the people rushing off to whatever people rush off to when they leave before something has finished.
I needed a small child to noisily ask why those rude people were leaving and why they were in our way.
But my girls were too polite to comment.